posted by Jim at
12/10/2006
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“Life sure can be confusing”, I thought to myself as I stood in the backyard. The sun was setting behind the trees a few hundred yards back and it was nice and quiet, except for an occasional dog barking way off in the distance and a couple of children playing in the park before dinner. The evening breeze was refreshing after the heat of the summer afternoon. I walked around with my hands in my pockets, thinking to myself and looking at the sky, the big maple tree that is who knows how old, and the grapevine on the far fence that I always liked, even though it is growing out of control and, to my memory, has never actually grown any grapes. It is a peaceful place in the evening, but I was still very confused and anxious. “I have no clue what I'm doing,” I sighed.
“There's so many possibilities,” I thought, leaning back in my chair staring at the computer screen. A few college catalogs sat on my desk and a couple more were under it. “Computers, languages, photography, travel. I want to make use of all these things, but I which one do I choose? I could do one thing, but then what about the other things?” I thought to myself, considering my abilities and options. Ever since I was little, I always loved reading books about how things worked, or better yet, sometimes took them apart myself to find out for myself.
I took my wind-up alarm clock off the top of my dresser, sat down on my bed with a screwdriver and slowly started unscrewing the back cover, carefully putting the screws off to the side so that they would not get lost. I tried to pull the cover off but it would not budge. “Oh, I need to take this off, too,” I said and turned the alarm crank backwards so it would come off. I must have stared inside for a half hour. All the complicated gears and delicate, gold, metal springs and flywheel fascinated me. I put it back on my desk with it half taken apart. That way I could still see inside.
When I was still in elementary school I got a new computer, and (do not tell my parents), eventually took that apart as well. Over the years I became more and more interested in computers and learned how to fix and build them. I also grew more fascinated with science. I read books by people like Michio Kaku and sometimes sat for hours thinking about black holes, time and gravity, other dimensions and what might happen if someone traveled at the speed of light. I saw pictures from Hubble and was amazed at the beauty of stars, galaxies, nebulae, and all the things that we can only dream of seeing in person because of their incomprehensible distances. I reflected on the past and considered my future. There was one thing, though, that really got me thinking.
I was sitting down in a blue, cushioned chair with the other kids around my age. The lights were all off except for a few colored ones from the stage and some dimmed flood lights. “God wants to use you to change the world!” the youth pastor exclaimed. He spoke excitedly with more passion than I had ever seen anyone speak with before. “Every one of you, even if you don't think it's possible. You can make a difference, change a life, change the world!” What he said stirred something in me that has never gone away since I met him. That is why I consider all these things so carefully. More than anything, I want to do something that really matters. I think about it all the time, and think that many others do too – although the desire may become buried in the tedium of everyday life or from failed attempts at following one's dreams.
What is something that I have learned during these last few years? Live your dreams, do not let them die or listen to anyone who tells you that something is impossible. I have also realized (although I still sometimes need to remember) that I do not know, nor can I know, every little detail of life. I do not know where I will work, what I will end up doing, or where I will live. “Heck, I don't know what will happen in ten years – or in ten minutes for that matter,” I have thought to myself a few times.
I am learning that life is an adventure to be lived – not a puzzle to be figured out. Mystery can be a beautiful thing. It is nice to have some idea where I am going, but what fun would it be to know every detail? Every twist in the story? It would be just like a movie I have already seen ten times. “Yep, I saw that coming...I knew that was gonna happen.” I believe and hope that great things are ahead, beyond anything I could ever imagine – even if I don't quite have all the details.
When I think of life, I picture a scene that might come straight out of the trilogy written by J.R.R. Tolkien, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, or a photograph of some far off place that few have been. A rocky, dusty path going straight up through a mountain pass. Rugged walls of timeless granite towering on each side. The ground is far below - like looking down from an airplane. Who knows what lies ahead – the path drops off out of sight and there is a mist not too far in the distance.
So, where do I go now? Forward. Into the unknown. I am very excited about this amazing journey.
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.1
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